After spending my evening in class with my new group partner, formerly known as Wabbit (as of this moment), I have decided he really doesn't sound like Elmer Fudd. As we discussed and put together our short presentation as a fictitious company called Husker Hutz about work comp laws and the consequences of disregarding them, I noticed the finer points of his speech impediment and gradually came to realize that he sounds exactly like Homestar Runner. Which, incidentally, so completely delighted me that I found it difficult to contain my mirth all evening. Which, incidentally, worked out well since my new friend (who I will call Hometar because he says his s's funny and also because Homestar is probably copyrighted) is consistently bent on cracking jokes in his hilarious voice. The best part is that Hometar suggested the name for our fake company, but he kept mispronouncing it as Husker Nutz. The whole evening was comic gold.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Dosvedanya, Mio Co-worker
I just found out that a guy with whom I've worked for the past several years is being wooed by a Russian bride. HAHAHAHA!!
I knew this guy had a Russian girlfriend but I thought they met in like, grad school or something. I didn't realize they'd never met and had been talking on Skype for six months before deciding to take a two-week Mediterranean cruise together. I didn't understand why his mom was freaky about him going and why some other co-workers were so strangely worried for him. Sure, he's only 30 but seriously Mom-- let your baby grow up and take a big boy trip with his lady. He probably won't get her pregnant. Why would he come back without organs? What the hell are you people talking about? But now, NOW I get it. And when I found out this afternoon I laughed, and laughed, and laughed until I started to lose mascara down my cheeks. A Russian bride!
via funnyfreepics.blogspot.com
Then I kind of felt bad laughing because well, it's not funny. It's kind of sad. But it's really funny! But it's sad. This guy is a nice guy but I guess he must be lonely. He's super smart and not bad looking, kinda quiet and nerdy and the stereotypical gamer who devotes his weekends to exploring the Caves of Lament in Worlds of Warcraft (don't quote me on that, I've never played). Maybe that's why he's never met a satisfactory woman here in the city....HE NEVER WENT OUT. Or maybe he did and all the girls he met were vapid and intolerable. I don't know.
So in addition to this being the first time they met in person, I also found out that he paid for her portion of the cruise (although not her airfare from Russia) AND that they exchanged promise rings. SIX MONTHS. Oy vey. At least they're the same age. He comes back on Monday....I am sooo pumping him for more information.
On a similar note, two of my uncles have been notably obsessed with foreign brides. And I guess my dad too, but the internet wasn't invented back then so he actually went to the country and met and courted my mom 31 years ago. My uncles, however, were not so much into the old-fashioned stuff. Uncle C IMed and webcammed with numerous Asian brides before selecting one and flying to China "to teach English." Like we'd forgotten about all the babes he kept bragging about. He left a couple years ago and is still somewhere in Asia but isn't married or even seeing his chosen bride, nor is he teaching English. I actually have no idea what he's doing there or even if he's still alive.
Uncle M went through TWO brides before sustaining a marriage to the third. The first one divorced him immediately upon arriving in the US, only to be deported back to the Ukraine. Apparently the marriage has to be maintained for two years to avoid deportation, who knew? She was obviously a n00b. The second one (also Ukrainian) refused to consummate the marriage until my uncle brought her daughter into the country as well. They ran away into the night the day after the daughter arrived and I never heard anything else about them. The third woman said she had no interest in moving to the US and wanted my uncle to move to Poland. They actually have been married for something like eight or nine years and split their time between Poland and Connecticut. I only met her once, a tiny little wisp of a woman who totally eclipsed me in conversation about Medieval dialects and architecture.
Hey! Maybe that's what my co-worker wants-- MEDIEVAL CONVERSATIONS. Full circle.
I knew this guy had a Russian girlfriend but I thought they met in like, grad school or something. I didn't realize they'd never met and had been talking on Skype for six months before deciding to take a two-week Mediterranean cruise together. I didn't understand why his mom was freaky about him going and why some other co-workers were so strangely worried for him. Sure, he's only 30 but seriously Mom-- let your baby grow up and take a big boy trip with his lady. He probably won't get her pregnant. Why would he come back without organs? What the hell are you people talking about? But now, NOW I get it. And when I found out this afternoon I laughed, and laughed, and laughed until I started to lose mascara down my cheeks. A Russian bride!
Then I kind of felt bad laughing because well, it's not funny. It's kind of sad. But it's really funny! But it's sad. This guy is a nice guy but I guess he must be lonely. He's super smart and not bad looking, kinda quiet and nerdy and the stereotypical gamer who devotes his weekends to exploring the Caves of Lament in Worlds of Warcraft (don't quote me on that, I've never played). Maybe that's why he's never met a satisfactory woman here in the city....HE NEVER WENT OUT. Or maybe he did and all the girls he met were vapid and intolerable. I don't know.
So in addition to this being the first time they met in person, I also found out that he paid for her portion of the cruise (although not her airfare from Russia) AND that they exchanged promise rings. SIX MONTHS. Oy vey. At least they're the same age. He comes back on Monday....I am sooo pumping him for more information.
On a similar note, two of my uncles have been notably obsessed with foreign brides. And I guess my dad too, but the internet wasn't invented back then so he actually went to the country and met and courted my mom 31 years ago. My uncles, however, were not so much into the old-fashioned stuff. Uncle C IMed and webcammed with numerous Asian brides before selecting one and flying to China "to teach English." Like we'd forgotten about all the babes he kept bragging about. He left a couple years ago and is still somewhere in Asia but isn't married or even seeing his chosen bride, nor is he teaching English. I actually have no idea what he's doing there or even if he's still alive.
Uncle M went through TWO brides before sustaining a marriage to the third. The first one divorced him immediately upon arriving in the US, only to be deported back to the Ukraine. Apparently the marriage has to be maintained for two years to avoid deportation, who knew? She was obviously a n00b. The second one (also Ukrainian) refused to consummate the marriage until my uncle brought her daughter into the country as well. They ran away into the night the day after the daughter arrived and I never heard anything else about them. The third woman said she had no interest in moving to the US and wanted my uncle to move to Poland. They actually have been married for something like eight or nine years and split their time between Poland and Connecticut. I only met her once, a tiny little wisp of a woman who totally eclipsed me in conversation about Medieval dialects and architecture.
Hey! Maybe that's what my co-worker wants-- MEDIEVAL CONVERSATIONS. Full circle.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Plopping noises
Those of you who work in offices, do you ever notice the silent restroom stand-offs in which two or more people try to out-wait each other in the stalls, presumably so they can poop? I'm guessing that's what they want to do although I've never stuck around to find out. Eight years ago when I first started working in an office, I was introduced to this valuable and hilarious guide to taking a dump at work, and have even used the Astaire if I wasn't sure someone realized I was in there. But I never noticed stand-offs until I moved to this office and I think it's kind of funny. Not a bad idea either, in theory.
I mentioned this to the Hubs recently and he said the guys in his office put on no such airs. They're all out of the poopin' closet and stroll right into the restroom, newspapers in hand, and readily grunt away in their separate stalls. Then chat at the sink while washing their hands as if they hadn't just heard each other forcefully expelling waste from their no-no holes. I find this to be a little weird, albeit significantly less inconvenient. (Personally, I'm a fly-byer-- I scout the restroom until I'm sure it's empty, then scat and scoot. Ninja skillz.) It must just be women who feel awkward about those plopping noises. I used to go to a safe restroom in the bowels of our building (hardy har har) because hardly anyone went there, but then someone called it the murder bathroom because it's isolated from everything and right next to an exit, plus it did look like those creepy tile bathrooms in the movies with dark, mysterious stains everywhere.....aaaaannnnd I never went into it again.
Yesterday, I walked into the restroom as a lady was walking out and I could tell someone else was in a stall-- a pregnant silence, one stall door shut, barely perceptible camo cough. Unfortunately for her, I was in a particularly complicated outfit involving belts, buttons, straps and tiny snaps in a regrettable location (in other news, do avoid the horrendously uncomfortable Victoria's Secret bodysuit, aka glorified onesie; soft parts beware), and by the time I was finished with my business, yet another patron had entered, done what appeared to be only part of her own business and was ALSO silently waiting for me to leave. Um. Have fun with that, girls. Thank goodness I didn't have to go too. I wonder who would've let it fly first? Hmm, future social experiment? I could slip newspapers under the stalls.
I mentioned this to the Hubs recently and he said the guys in his office put on no such airs. They're all out of the poopin' closet and stroll right into the restroom, newspapers in hand, and readily grunt away in their separate stalls. Then chat at the sink while washing their hands as if they hadn't just heard each other forcefully expelling waste from their no-no holes. I find this to be a little weird, albeit significantly less inconvenient. (Personally, I'm a fly-byer-- I scout the restroom until I'm sure it's empty, then scat and scoot. Ninja skillz.) It must just be women who feel awkward about those plopping noises. I used to go to a safe restroom in the bowels of our building (hardy har har) because hardly anyone went there, but then someone called it the murder bathroom because it's isolated from everything and right next to an exit, plus it did look like those creepy tile bathrooms in the movies with dark, mysterious stains everywhere.....aaaaannnnd I never went into it again.
Yesterday, I walked into the restroom as a lady was walking out and I could tell someone else was in a stall-- a pregnant silence, one stall door shut, barely perceptible camo cough. Unfortunately for her, I was in a particularly complicated outfit involving belts, buttons, straps and tiny snaps in a regrettable location (in other news, do avoid the horrendously uncomfortable Victoria's Secret bodysuit, aka glorified onesie; soft parts beware), and by the time I was finished with my business, yet another patron had entered, done what appeared to be only part of her own business and was ALSO silently waiting for me to leave. Um. Have fun with that, girls. Thank goodness I didn't have to go too. I wonder who would've let it fly first? Hmm, future social experiment? I could slip newspapers under the stalls.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Plagiarism
Last night at class, we sat through an hour-and-a-half long interactive module on plagiarism. Not because it's a school policy for all students to view this, but because apparently so many people are flagrantly lifting up to 80 and 90 percent of their papers from the internet. Wow. Seriously? What idiot does that? I use websites all the time when I write my papers but I digest the information and then shit it out on paper in my own interpretation. And then cite it. It's not hard. It's called thinking and understanding.
So last night was one of the crappier nights yet. The professor was pacing and her voice was shaking with anger because apparently it takes her a couple of hours per paper to go through all the material and prove plagiarism took place. And frankly, that's a waste of time and disrespectful besides. So we watched the module and when scenarios came up, the text was too small for us to read so she had to read it aloud, her words biting the air with frustration. I felt bad but kind of giggled a little too. The module featured a kindly-looking old man cartoon with a condescendingly dorky, slow, patronizing voice. I tried to find a copy of it on YouTube but couldn't. Sads. But, I did find these other laughable gems, and now I feel better that other schools have nerdy plagiarism modules too!
This one is actually awesome. I think I'd have been totally entertained if we watched this jazz.
Closer, better, warmer. Our old man cartoon had a brown monk cut and a huge nose. Did you hear this guy say "innit?!" Hilarious.
This one's just weird. Those kiwis and whatever down unda.
Here's one type of plagiarism about which I knew nothing!
And to round it all out, here's a song about plagiarism written by a Ph.D who was so offended that someone copied his work. Which, okay, I get that. The song's not bad. (Dork.)
DON'T COPY SHIT, FOOLS.
So last night was one of the crappier nights yet. The professor was pacing and her voice was shaking with anger because apparently it takes her a couple of hours per paper to go through all the material and prove plagiarism took place. And frankly, that's a waste of time and disrespectful besides. So we watched the module and when scenarios came up, the text was too small for us to read so she had to read it aloud, her words biting the air with frustration. I felt bad but kind of giggled a little too. The module featured a kindly-looking old man cartoon with a condescendingly dorky, slow, patronizing voice. I tried to find a copy of it on YouTube but couldn't. Sads. But, I did find these other laughable gems, and now I feel better that other schools have nerdy plagiarism modules too!
This one is actually awesome. I think I'd have been totally entertained if we watched this jazz.
Closer, better, warmer. Our old man cartoon had a brown monk cut and a huge nose. Did you hear this guy say "innit?!" Hilarious.
This one's just weird. Those kiwis and whatever down unda.
Here's one type of plagiarism about which I knew nothing!
And to round it all out, here's a song about plagiarism written by a Ph.D who was so offended that someone copied his work. Which, okay, I get that. The song's not bad. (Dork.)
DON'T COPY SHIT, FOOLS.
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