SARA, YOU ARE SUCH A CREEPER!

And yet I'm going to do it because I heard that if you don't do these internet survey thingies, pus-infested warty trolls with hair like that girl from The Ring and faces like Office Loony crab-attack you with flaming hands while screaming that horrendous Lee Greenwood song, and I'm home alone in the middle of an insane Nebraska storm right now with no bra on and the power's gone off once already, which was terrifying because it's NIGHT and the flashlights are conveniently MIA and I really can't fight supernatural creatures effectively under these circumstances. So I'm going to do it specifically so I don't die a disgusting, excruciating monster-chewy death, Sara, you bitch.

Apparently, these blog survey things are like the MySpace ones everybody did a few years ago with the random questions, you know? Except here you have to link to people's blogs and pick new questions for them to answer. And because Sara loves to make people squirm, she tapped me to answer pretty much the most embarrassing questions EVAR! I'm not giving you the detail you want though, you creepy creeper!

1. At what age did you discover masturbation and how did that happen?

I was 14 and reading The Valley of Horses late at night, and I was like what the fuck are these ladyparts they're talking about. Lo and behold, they actually existed. 

2. What's the worst sexual encounter you've ever had?

Um, my first time. Because I thought that if you did it in the butt, it didn't count and you were still a virgin. Yes, I was retarded, like Juliette Lewis retarded obviously. Plus my boyf was practically a pedophile since I was 16 and he was 21 and was all like "yeah! high school poon! er, ass." JEEBUS that hurt. It wasn't even in a bed-- it was on the floor. AND was totally gross since I had no idea how buttsecks worked, much less what an enema was or how it would have helped me.

3. What is one thing that will get you all hot & bothered almost every time?

Watching Husband hold a baby. ACK!

4. What is one thing that you haven't tried sexually that you think you might want to do. Eventually.

I can honestly say I've tried everything I ever wanted to. However, I would like to do it in an airplane again, nearer to the beginning of the flight this time. Eight hour flight + impulsive  decision to join the Mile High Club = "Try to breathe through your mouth, OMG, don't touch any surfaces but still try to put it in me, mmkay?"

5. If there is one thing that you would change about your partner's sexual technique- what would it be?

I wish he would hum the theme song to Young Frankenstein more often while we're gettin busy.

6. Top or bottom?

Surprisingly, I'm definitely a bottom bitch.

7. Talking or no talking?

NO TALKING

8. Oral sex- yay or nay? 

SUPER YAY!

Um, now off to write a real post so I can cover this one up and hopefully very few of my even fewer readers will see it. And I'm not requesting any of my readers to do this, that's just cruel.